Unreal universe (is)

False fairy tales (with)
Hidden hope (from)
Abandoned actions (of a)
Passionate past (with)
Overwhelming obstacles (and)
Emotional exchanges (feeling)
Almost alive (but)
Desperate desires (create)
Silent solutions.

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Everyones so jaded

Everyones so jaded
The love in their hearts has faded
Lies, deceit, and betrayal
Has left their souls tainted

We all go through pain
To many hold onto it in vain
And when happiness shows its face
They look upon it with disdain

But what i havent explained
Is that i live to love unshamed
And that for every heartbreak
Nobody is to be blamed

Im not all that jaded
And the love in my heart hasnt faded
All i ask is....
Can we let our souls get acquainted?

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Me & Me

Me & Me

"have a good day"
"I'm having the worst day"

A smile on my face
Anger in my pace

Silly jokes
Sarcastic jealousy

Kisses in the morning
Tears at night 

Cuddling and watching TV
Library nights when you won't see me

Celebrating success
Holding me through distress

Honeymoon love
Unconditional love 

Can you take ...
The good with bad?
The easy with difficult?
Cause as you can see
I come with ME
If your answer is no
There's so much you'll never know

feelings in actions

I'm saying I want to get to know you
I'm saying you intrigue me
I'm telling you that you're all I see
I'm telling you I'm starting to care so deeply
I'm whispering we could be a great thing
I'm whispering let's give it a chance
I'm shouting how much I love you
I'm shouting let yourself love me
But you may not be hearing this,
Because I'm talking with my actions
I'm listening for your answers,
By observing you reactions.

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comes the dawn -by. anonymous

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of a WOMAN, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain and futures have a way of falling mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn ... with every goodbye you learn

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Why?

Why look me in the eyes?
If you dont even see me

Why hold me in your arms?
If I'm not really safe there

Why make love?
If we don't have the ingredients

Why do you want me in the dark?
If I can bring so much light to your life

Why walk into my life?
If you already looking out the door

Why waste our time?
If it's so precious

When I'm alone

Pain in the pit of my stomach...
Started taking over my chest,
But i kept trying to push it away
...put the agony to rest.

Memories stop my breathe.
The tightness makes me feel like less.
Im having a conversation with myself
Cause i cant expect anything from anyone else.

I tell myself its temporary
But after so long the reality is quite contrary
I work to stay true to what ive always believed
One day we'll all be relieved.

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My apologies...

*To my family & friends*

Im sorry for my sharp tongue
Thank you for your kind words

Im sorry I can be harsh
Thank you for being gentle

Im sorry I am impatient
Thank you for your patience

Im sorry I can be weak
Thank you for giving me strength

Im sorry I can be cold
Thank you for your warmth

Im sorry I tend to be stubborn
Thank you for being open minded

Im sorry for being uptight
Thank you for your easy going ways

Im sorry I've been forgetful
Thank you for always remembering

Im sorry sometimes Im distant
Thank you for staying close by

Im sorry for the headaches I cause
Thank you for easing my pain

Im sorry for the way I can be
THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME BE ME.

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Mystery man

I didnt see you at first
But you left me clues
The puzzle isnt complete
The pieces left are only a few

Just when i think ive discovered you
You stay within the shadows
Maybe you're not meant for me to see
But I'm hoping that's not how it'll always be

I imagine our first embrace
Through your chest
I'll feel your heart race
Loves doubts will be put to rest

That's all in my imagination,
Happy beginnings of my creation

Do I say goodbye,
When we haven't even said hello?
I know who you are, mystery man
You're only a mystery to yourself....

Its not you... Its ME

Im sad when im not wanted
But did i even want to be wanted?
What is it im seeking
If im disappointed its not me he's seeking
Am i shallow for depth?
Or too ready to believe in my feet gettin swept?
It shouldnt hurt this bad
If it wasnt anything great
So im reevaluating my hearts fate
And making corrections
To avoid anymore painful rejections

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In a moment

Heart racing
Mind spinnin
Risk taking
Anxiety ridden

Thoughts screamin
Worries creepin
Plan schemin
Feelings keepin

Words disappearing
Scared dreaming
Love sharing
Soul bearing

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On the other side...

Around the corner lies heartache,
A lost loved one,
And the pain from lifes disappointments.

At times I have...
Looked down and recognized defeat
Looked up to face failure
Looked around sensing doubt

But I can never forget
That on the other side...

I've experienced true love,
The birth of hope,
And enough happiness to revive my soul.

So I will continue to...
Look down with determination,
Look up and persevere,
Look around witnessing love

Derived Distance

Ive come to the conclusion
Your presence causes confusion
So I created the distance
Derived from your existence

If I can't have you all
I'll let this ship sail off
Cause FriendSHIP
Or RelationSHIP
this journey aint my trip

Im just being real...
This aint our true deal
But I need the space
To pretend its you I can replace.

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NYC

So when I said I miss NYC,
& I wore my I <3 NY shirt.
I was really saying I miss you
but nobody had a clue.

I was afraid to walk the streets we did,
cross the bridges we traveled,
take in the views our eyes saw,
and feel the things we felt together.

But I made it to the city!
& the thought of you...
Didn't leave me on the subway
in a state of pity.

Walking Contradiction

Scatterbrained Genius
Distractedly Focused
Punctual Procrastinator
Resentful Forgiver
Open-minded Traditionalist
Meticulously Messy
Talkative Observer
Dreaming Realist
Passionately Dull
Free-spirited Worrier
Simplistically Complicated
Empty Lover

...& I Accept that Questionably

Me..You...US?

You probably know
Im 23
Workin towards my Ph.D.
& in case you didn't know
I dont want to be 28
With no one to celebrate.

They say its lonely at the top
This journey would make anyone stop.
But maybe you can keep me going
Be the one to have my back.

When nobody gave me the time of day
and my feelings were always at bay.
I started to feel my love wasn't enough.
But i had it all twisted,
it was them who didn't have it together with they stuff.
Gave them a chance & they missed it.

No worries
It was nobody's fault
Some things just cant be taught.

I guess I'm just trying to say
I dont want you to be another one to walk away.
Maybe you can be the one to admire my drive,
and still stick by my side.
To see my strength,
and know deep down I need you.
To appreciate my love,
and never forget it'll always be US.

Nervous Confidence

My inner strength
Is my confidence.
My presense to some
Can feel rather intense.

Aside from love
I've always come above.
There's no other way
But in my heart i'm waiting for that day.

Since you walked into my life
I started seeing the light
You're the man worth the fight.

But you make me nervous
And if i tell you how i feel
I might find out what i'll miss.

You got me holding back
Afraid to overdue it.
I start to take a risk
But pull back and quit.

Timing is everything
You wanna be my everything?
Until you do....
I'll reserve the good for you.

Ignorance is bliss.
So remain my mystery
And i'll continue writing our story.

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Significant Other

Its always the one you least expect
The one you swore it'd never happen with
You flirt with the idea
But know it'll never be real

Before I could slow it all down
It was you clouding my mind
Making me realize
To my heart you felt kind

What feels so right
Always comes at a time so wrong
So I walk away
To keep you in my life

But everytime we speak
Our past becomes present
And overnight I dream of our future

I had this all figured out
But my mind is losing the race
And my heart's feeling victorious
As my tears run me off course

The pain of not being with you
Is killing me inside
But your the reason
Ive never felt so alive

There is no title for your significance
.......my significant other.

~Jessica E Vazquez

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Conversation

Tonight I had an amazing conversation with someone. Not because of what we talked about ,who we talked about,similarities in feelings, or common interests, but because ALL of that occured plus more and it just happened. As i sit in bed im feeling great, and realizing how much our interactions with others affect our mood for better or worse. We cannot forget our role in that. We have the choice to surround ourselves with whom ever we chose and how it is we interect with them.Tonight i came to understand how vital it is for me to continue interacting/talking etc with people who i can create those positive feelings with, because those who create negativity are always going to be around but we dont need to allow them to drain us with that type of energy. Why allow that to happen, when people exist in your world that can awaken great ideas, great emotions, the joy inside of you, your soul.

We all wont experience an amazing yet easy and simple connection with everyone we meet, but remain open to it and be thankful when it happens. Moments when you feel like you are almost sharing a brain with the other person because they seem to be thinking on the same wavelength as u and u just feel mentally and emotionally connected to that person; those moments are beautiful to the soul. Dont think those moments dont happen in a flash, they do...just remain aware.

I think ill stop here.. there is so much more i want to write but my mind is scattered from thought to thought that the right message would never come across. Thank u to the individual who touched my soul tonight, at other times, and will continue to do so with their amazing presence.

...More to come..

Jessica Brillosa

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Summer

I took this picture with my phone while watching the sunset at Edgewater in Cleveland. I always smile and feel peaceful when i look @ it like the day i took it

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Something New

My unofficial first blog for 2011

Ignore my previous blogs on here. This blog was started as a class assignment for a women's studies course, but if you really want to read what I wrote for those class assignments feel free to :)

Last year I started a photoblog (inspired by Tiffany Davis who started one). But i didnt do a good job of following up on in for the entire year. I was thinking of trying again this year, but ultimately decided this blog is best for me. I dont think I like the pressure of feeling like I need a picture for each day of the year (awesome idea, but not realistic for me). On this blog I can post whenever I like and add pictures, so its the best of both worlds for me.

I decided Im going to see how blogging goes for me cause it just came to my mind one night as I lay in bed thinking about life and "resolutions". This blog is not a resolution but in taking the time to think about things I'd like to try, blogging is now one of those things!

More to come soon

<3 Jessica